Why Blog About Something So Personal?

Four years ago, on May 23, 2004, I lost my dad to an eight month battle with cancer. My dad was my hero, and it was an event that flipped my whole world upside down. It was the first major loss in my family and nothing has been quite the same since it happened.

I consider myself to be a strong person, and have been processing the loss for quite some time on my own. While I am plodding along as expected, I have for a long time felt the need to create an outlet where I can process my feelings about his life and his death. As a result, I have decided to create this blog for the following reasons:

• Because you never stop missing them. It goes without saying there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my dad. Some days it is all I can think about. Some days it comes in waves. Some days it is a smaller nagging ache. Nevertheless, I couldn't have imagined you could miss someone so much.
  
  
• Because people eventually stop asking. Don't get me wrong, my friends are the absolute best, but there comes a day when people forget that you have suffered a great loss in your life. Sometimes you feel like everyone in the world has moved on but you. It's no longer the first thing people ask you about in conversation or the cards slowly stop rolling in on the anniversary of his death... Life moves on as it should, but sometimes the pain doesn't move as quickly. Sure, the intensity of the grief lessens with time, but there is still a need to talk about things, process your feelings, and relive happy memories. Here is where I hope to do that.
  
  
• Because the only comfort I had was knowing I wasn't alone...A few months after I lost my dad, I bought a book titled, "On Grieving the Death of a Father" by Harold Ivan Smith. The book recalls the accounts of many people as they navigate through experiences with the passing of their fathers; regret, funerals, hearing the news, the anniversary, and more. It helped me to grieve because I could relate to so much in every story. It forced me to feel the emotions I was trying to stuff away. As I was reading it, I found myself wanting to write my story as well. This blog will mainly be for my own reflection, but it would be fine if someone else finds a little comfort in knowing they aren't alone in their grief.
  
  
• Because I'm terrible at scrapbooking...One of the things that causes me the most sadness is knowing my future children will not have the joy of knowing my dad as their grandpa. I can't begin to imagine how I will tell them the story of his life in any way that will do justice to the relationship they might have had. By the time I have children, I'm sure they will be accessing the Internet at birth, so this is where I hope to collect the stories, pictures and memories of his life. Besides, I have boxes and boxes of pictures I was supposed to scrapbook eight years ago. I'm surrendering to the fact that it's just not my forte.
  
  
• Because sometimes I fear I'll forget the little things...As the years go by now, there are days I worry tremendously about forgetting all of the little things I loved about my dad. I know it sounds silly, because you never really do forget, but it really does worry me. Some days I struggle to remember what his voice sounded like when he laughed or the nervous look on his face when he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. I know you never forget, but it gives me comfort to know I'll have a place to capture those little things when I need to.

So with that, I'd just like to say thanks in advance for listening. I hope you will enjoy hearing about my dad as much as I loved having him in my life.